Hairdryers, Henna, and Chuanrs

Hairdryers aren't just for drying Henna Art*...



*Refer to THE Big Mac and Clove(r) Holiday Bash for this reference... oops, you weren't there?? I sure hope you know someone who was to get the full story.

Uighur Uiord of the Uieek Archives

For those of you who missed the previous Uighur Uiords of the Uieek or who would simply like to refresh your memory, this post will be updated weekly as the new word of the week is posted.

Uieek 3:

soezliyaelaemsiz = do you speak?

As used in: Ubantochae soezliyaelaemsiz?

(Do you speak Ubanto?)

Uieek 2:

chaakchaak = joking

As used in: Admin Kavap Zikta chaakchaak yakshi kudroo.

(Admin Chuanr likes to joke around.)

Uieek 1:

kavap zikhta = meat on a stick

As used in "Gep yüzde yahxi, kavap zikhta."

(It is better to say the words face to face, it is better to eat kebab on the skewer.)

Who Says Tubular anymore?

Actually, who *ever* said Tubular? Well, that's not the point. The point is that as Raiders of the Lost Chuanr, we are the deckest that Beijing has to offer. And to make sure we stay deck, I just want to point out the following advice, given by The Hipster Handbook.

Like most social groups, Hipsters have their own way of communicating. They converse using special terms and lingo to show they are in the know. Being up on the latest slang is essential to being a Hipster.



Though it may be humorous to tell someone that his or her Pumas are "tubular," utilizing a dated term such as this can be a serious faux pas if not used ironically. Retro terms such as "grody," "bofu," "fresh," and "wicked" all work well when with a tongue-in-cheek, but such words should be used sparingly.



We recommend you take a quick peek at our glossary of terms, to educate yourself on the lingo. With a little practice, we will help you turn an awkward sentence like, "I'm gonna look bitchin' in my groovy jacket," into the much hipper "I'll polish in my deck flogger."

So, watch out for that slip of tongue tubular comment and keep those bofu in check.

Raiders of the lost ark: Chinese title

夺宝奇兵

夺 [duó] force one's way; 夺取 seize, capture; 争夺 fight for

宝 [bǎo] treasure

奇 [qí] marvellous, rare, strange

兵 [bīng] (士兵 shìbīng) soldier; 兵力 bīnglì military strength

So that makes us:

夺串儿奇兵

duó chuàn'r qí bīng

Raiders of the lost chuan’r

"Just the chuanr ma'am, just the chuanr."

It even looks like a 串儿

Relations between China and Japan can be a sticky, thorny, mire of pitfalls, salt in old wounds, sibling rivalry and mixed metaphors. None of this should concern us in the least - lest, of course, it comes to matters concerning meat on a stick. The Japanese too are seduced by that holy combination of concatenated flesh. How, you may ponder, could the refined and delicate flower that is the Japanese culinary art deal with the raw power, and sensuality, of the chauanr? To understand this is to understand the gulf that bisects these two disparate north Asian cultures. (No not Korea.) The Japanese Yakitori, derived originally from Chicken - I urge the purists in the audience not to take this too early as a sign of Japanese Chuanistry being deluded at best and depraved at worst - must simply be understood in its context. It is the delicate courtier's daughter to the Chuanr's buxom farm girl - the quiet scholar to the cocksure streetfighter. There is something to be said for both: whilst the Japanese counterpart to the revered lamb staff may lack its westerly cousin's power and windswept desert charm, it is seldom cooked by someone who is picking his nose and the brazier; while there may be no 'love bombs' of pure fat - the melting wagyu is equally capable of widening the glutton's girth; both too will satisfy the drunkard's flesh lusts... well some of them. So dear friends - before fearing a chaste and puritan trip to a land of propriety and order - remember that there too you can sate your chuanrnal desires.

Chuanr Raiding Endemic

The Chuanrnistani government has reported an increase in chuanr related raids into their territory. The incursions from China are drawing ire from the small central Asian republic founded on lamb consumption and small scale bamboo re-manufacture. The foreign minister Ms Itmohr Lahm stated: "Not only do these 'raiders' show a complete disdain for the rule of law, they eat all of our chaun. They are disgusting and rude; they only answer questions when asked in sets of ten, and even then they mostly get the answers wrong." When asked about the level and location of the country's chuanr and nang stockpiles the minister was about to answer when cautioned by an aide and the interview terminated. Chuanistan has posted extra garrisons of white coated youths along the border, but experts say this is unlikely to have the desired result.

A suspected 'Chuanr Raider'.

Reliving Past Glory - The Gold

We captured the gold on 9.11.2007.

Oooooklahoma, where the wind comes right behind the rain...

Yeah, so like I said, there's a song about a Surrey with a Fringe on Top.

Is that the "wagon" one Big Red was talking about? A Surrey is a wagon. Maybe Big Red was just using Texas-speak and don't know Okie-talk.

(p.s. I admit, I got something wrong about Oklahoma. It's OU Sooners, and OSU Cowboys. What can I say? Like the 105/205 route, this isn't something I've been around for 10 years, and even then didn't attend. Way to go, Admin Chuan(r) for getting it right.)

See, you gotta take the 287 to the 105 till it hits 45...

Awright y'all, I checked my map. Beaumont to Dallas via 105 (not 205 -- what can I say? it's been 10 years since I drove that route).

But I wasn't making up the name of my most memorable town along the way -- Cut & Shoot.

I'll leave the IQ rankings for Pigs, Goats, Horses, and Cows for another post. For now, enjoy some history and stats on Cut & Shoot (taken from here) .

Statistics & Facts

The population of Cut and Shoot is approximately 903 (1990).
The approximate number of families is 337 (1990).

The population of Cut and Shoot was:
1975 - 50
1980 - 809
1990 - 903
2002 - 1,300

The amount of land area in Cut and Shoot is 7.37 sq. kilometers.
The distance from Cut and Shoot to Washington DC is 1221 miles. The distance to the Texas state capital is 143 miles. (as the crow flies)

History & History Related Items

Cut and Shoot history:

This town was named in 1912 after a violent confrontation. Versions of the story may differ, but it is basically about a dispute over the church steeple. There was only one church and when the new steeple was being designed, there were issues over who would be allowed to preach in the new church and also over some land claims by members. When one of the "banned" preachers arrived with his followers to preach, they found the doors locked. The "anti's" also arrived and arguments and name-calling occurred. Both groups had concealed weapons, but they weren't used. At one point, a young boy near the church yelled out, "I am scared! I am going to "cut'' around the corner and "shoot" through the bushes in a minute!" Those who heard him remembered his words and adopted Cut and Shoot as the town's name. Both sides were fined for disturbing the peace and assault and the dispute smoldered between a few of the participants for over a year. In a trial between two of the men, the judge asked where the incident had taken place. The witness replied, "I suppose you would call it the place where they had the cuttin' and shootin' scrape."

Attractions

Cut and Shoot attractions:

NOTED NOTABLES
Roy Harris, Boxer
Overall Record: 31-5 with 9 KO's. Born June 29, 1933, in Cut 'N Shoot, Texas - due to the exposure and notoriety he got from boxing, during the mid-to-late 1950's, he was credited with getting Cut 'N Shoot put on the Texas map. Cut 'N Shoot either built its first or had to build a new post office because of his popularity as a boxer. According to "The Sign," the population today in Cut 'N Shoot is 1,300. He is believed to be the only boxer to become a lawyer after fighting for the world heavyweight title. Roy Harris was a county clerk in Montgomery County for 28 years; began practicing law in 1972 and drew up the papers for Cut 'N Shoot to become incorporated. Roy's office is actually in his house and he has been married 47 years and has six children (four boys, two girls). Five are college graduates.

[Editor's Note: Out of due respect for my neighbors to the South - Both of whom are Real Texans and extremely respectable and considerate -- I've refrained from including the other Cut & Shoot trivia info. ;) You'll have to look that up all on your own. ]

la survie du plus apte

Image: Getty Chuanr Images.

Counting Kilocalories

We still got it right...

Calorie: "the kilocalorie or Calorie (capital 'C') remains in common use for the amount of food energy."

More specifically:

• The small calorie or gram calorie approximates the energy needed to increase the temperature of 1 gram of water by 1 °C. This is about 4.184 joules.

• The large calorie or kilogram calorie approximates the energy needed to increase the temperature of 1 kg of water by 1 °C. This is about 4.184 kJ, and exactly 1000 small calories.

• The mega calorie or ton calorie[citation needed] approximates the energy needed to increase the temperature of 1 ton of water by 1 °C. This is about 4.184 MJ, and exactly 1000 large calories.

The difference lies in how much water you are talking about.

Pejoratively Speaking

From Language Weaver:

If you are old enough to have attended elementary school several decades ago, there was a person there called the “janitor” whose job was to maintain the building. At some point, however, the term came to be considered demeaning; it was more polite to call him the “custodian.” Add a few more years of history and now that term is too demeaning. The current polite term is “building manager” or even “building engineer.” Or in New York apartments, "super." Wasn't the old word good enough?

Pejoration, the degeneration of the meaning of a word, is as old as language itself. It happens frequently with words that are used euphemistically to refer to a concept that is disrespected or taboo. In current U.S. culture that includes the names of lower-status jobs. Thus the person driving the trash truck went from “trash collector” through “refuse collector” to “sanitation worker.” “Babysitter” seems to be working its way toward “nanny.”

The history of English provides splendid examples of semantic degeneration. See if you can devise an explanation for the path these words have taken.

* egregious (16th-19th centuries) ‘prominent, outstanding’→ now ‘gross, flagrant’
* officious (16th-20th centuries) ‘dutiful, obliging’ → now ‘pompous, self-important’
* plausible (16th-19th centuries) ‘worthy of applause’ → now ‘believable’
* silly (17th century) ‘weak, helpless’ → (19th century) ‘sickly’ → now ‘foolish’
* toilet ( 17th-19th centuries) ‘cover for a dressing table’ → now ‘privy, john, loo’ – supply your own favorite. This concept is an unquenchable source of new euphemisms.

The degeneration of these terms took place longer ago:

* cnafa (Old English) ‘boy’ → knave ‘unprincipled male person’
* cræftig (Old English) 'strong, skillful' → crafty 'cunning, wily'
* huswif (Anglo-Saxon) ‘housewife’ → hussy ‘an immoral woman’
* idiotis (Greek) ‘private citizen’ → idiot ‘stupid person’ (By the way, this used to be a technical term for a particular class of mental retardation, but that usage is now taboo.)
* lewd (Old English) 'non-ecclesiastical, lay' → 'sexually insinuating'
* libellum (Latin) ‘booklet, note’ → libel ‘defamatory statement’
* notorius (Medieval Latin) ‘well known’ → notorious ‘infamous’
* peirates (Greek) ‘entrepreneur’ → pirate ‘one who preys on others’
* reken (Middle English) 'to emit smoke' → reek 'to stink'
* sinister (Latin) ‘facing to the left’ → sinister ‘ominous’
* vulgaris (Latin) ‘of the people’ → vulgar ‘rude’

"M" Dash

Regardless of your punctuational orientation, an "m" dash to Sequoia should never be avoided... unless, of course, you are fond of the "two-m" dash.

Last Tuesday

What was last Tuesday's winning question?

Knot's Landing

I suspect Frank is a fan of 80's soap operas. A previous quiz had a question that went something like "who played Dr. Phillip Chandler on St. Elsewhere and later went on to win an Oscar?" The answer, which we missed, was Denzel Washington.

Last night's quiz had a question in a similar vein: "which actress, who later went on to win an Oscar, played Debbie Porter in Knot's landing?" The answer: Halle Berry (who was in 22 episodes in the '91 and '92 seasons).

The TV series ran from 1979 - 1993, and has a lengthy cast list (including Alec Baldwin, who received an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor for his role in The Cooler). The following is a summary from IMDB:

"Knots Landing followed the lives of several families living in a small California town. Gary Ewing and his wife, Valene, arrive from Dallas to make a new start for themselves. They becomes friends with their neighbors, Sid and Karen Fairgate. Sid's wicked sister, Abby Fairgate Cunningham, seduces Gary and Val divorces him. Gary later marries Abby, and even more shocking things happen when Val realizes she is pregnant with Gary's children!"

So, can anyone think of any other award-winning 'movie actors' who got their start in television?

Special Report on Travel and Camel Tourism

Special Report on Travel and Camel Tourism

Chuanristan Daily – Your Leading Source for All Rou News!

By Noor Khanam

Yangrouville, July 30, 2007 – Chuanristan Daily’s own international reporter, Noor Khanam, returned from Beijing recently with news of Chuanristan’s growing worldwide fame. Chuanristan Tourism and Camel Travel Commission’s efforts to increase awareness of Chuanristan’s natural rou resources and market our extensive network of cumin field resorts is starting to produce results. During Khanam’s visit, she came across a gang of rou-lovers, calling themselves “Raiders of the Lost Chuanr”, at an American style chuanr-stand, Tim’s Texas BBQ. The group invited her to join them for quiz night baked beans, south Texas spicy potato salad, and beef brisket delicacies. While Khanam found the food lacking in basic bbq ingredients, such as yangrou fat flavoring, she was impressed with the group’s extensive knowledge of Chuanristan’s favorite acting family – the Marx brothers. As a parting gift, the Raiders of the Lost Chuanr presented Khanam with a personalized package of bbq skewers. Khanam invited the group to visit Chuanristan and experience all that this beautiful double-landlocked country has to offer. (Note: After this article went to publication, we received word that Raiders of the Lost Chuanr has accepted Khanam’s invitation and will visit Chuanristan from Week 36/2 through Week 38/5. Stay tuned as we provide daily reports on the group’s experiences as they tour our fair land!)

Provincial Knowledge

If only they had asked us to list the 10 provinces with the greatest per capita chuanr consumption... still a great start last week, nonetheless.

Giant Camel Chuanr

From: The Opposite End of China

dinner pics

Indelible images imparted in honor of Alan's impending departure.